I Love Stockton

To the Moron Who Tried To Jack My Car (Safeway, Pacific at Ben Holt)
Reply to: pers-670705879@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-06, 4:40PM PDT


You epitomize everything that is wrong with Stockton. I don't mean the high crime rate, the mortgage crisis, or the 30 degree fluctuation in temperature. Those are a given. No, it is the fact that you, Mr. Moronic Car Thief, failed to steal my car. Another uncompleted task from the populous of this fantastic city I live in.

You did a good job of knocking the locking cylinder into the door. For some reason you did not smash it in far enough to break the locking mechanism. There are plenty of reasons to speculate, but I think it's because you are stupid. If you examined your handiwork then you would have seen you had managed to get the cylinder lodged at least an inch into the door. One more good hit and you could have gotten into the vehicle. A smart thief would have smashed the window if they were stuck. Instead you just fucked up my door and ran off like a little bitch. The irony of your handiwork is that because of the remote access on my key chain I never use the actual key to get in my vehicle.

It would have been better for both of us if you just finished the job and stole my car. You would have a 2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo, which with the exception of the door or window would be in reasonably good condition. Fencing for parts it would net you decent profit. With the combination of my finance company writing the adjusted load amount off and my insurance company covering a portion of the theft I would not have been out very much money. This may strike you as odd but the truth is that I really don't like my car. It represents everything I hate about the auto industry, oil companies, and the excesses of Americans to begin with. For the past few months I have been attempting to sell it. This weekend I was going to troll the dealerships to trade it in for a more economic car, probably similar to one you drive. I was not looking forward to this. I would rather deal with the police, the insurance company, and my finance company then have to talk with a fucking car salesman. Stockton disappoints me on so many levels and morons like you are only a reminder of this.